ALMOST SOLILOQUY...MAYBE MONOLOGUE

My only hope for her is to be be fully emancipated from the anxiety that has her bound. These shackles have for so long clung onto her masquerading as comfort, when they really have been impeding growth. Discomfort. Perturbation, a bad habit that almost seemed normal...let her eyes see clearly. Let her eyes see clearly. let her body run as freely as her mind. Let her live. Be alive in her moments of greatness....Every day of her life.

My only hope for her is to never cease loving like there is no tomorrow. For her to never be cynical about love, nor to be complacent with it. With all lifes experiences, may this be the one thing that makes sense (in all its confusing facets) to her when all else is without comprehension. Created was she for love, by love, in love...so let it be that her legacy is that of simplicity, Love. Of depth, love. Of beauty, love. She was created to love...may she always find the joy she knows in it...

VUMA D

Slow Suicide

 Living for your shadow now,

Because at least i know light still exists.

In the dark i have nothing.

As your shadow slowly diminishes with the sunset,

I am grieved and long for light once again.

Ironic because this shadow of yours consumes with coldness.

I seem to be completely oblivious to the warmth sunlight brings.

Im here desiring sunlight not for growth but death....

Of the last bits of me that still have the energy to be content with your virtual being.

Im Aware of the twisted irony i have subjected myself to...

But there is something comforting about this slow suicide.

VUMA D

When Im Missing You...

As the raindrops fell on my window pane,

The clouds outside seem to mourn with me,

That which i felt in your absence.

They cried literal tears, i seemed to fight back.

With every drop my heart sank deeper into the pits of my stomach.

In all its anguish, my heart still finds beauty in these moments.

Moments inspired by love in all their dingy shades of despair.

The wind tried to sing me a lullaby to sleep,

Its sombre melodies could only make me think...of you.

Staring out the window has led to writing this simple poem for you...

O’ the things i do though when im missing you. 

VUMA D

FINAL REQUEST

Hi, glad to see you have made it.

Im about to be real honest so please, just listen.

The truth is im not over you.

Im sure you probably don’t know when i even got under you?

See the thing is,you somehow got under me, my skin.

At first it felt comfortable, exhilarating a bit...

But now, all of it is uncomfortable.

Like a student in class struggling with simple algebra,

Im feeling THAT stupid.

I mean but its not as simple as just solving for x

The variable that is you does not want to have a definite answer.

These are usually thoughts i would just share with myself

But this time im like “oh well” !

You may as well walk in the corridors that have had you plastered on the walls.

Completely drenched in you...well, were.

Which brings me to now...

So without taking too much of your time,

I have this final request...

Please fall through the cracks of my heart,

Do your best to squeeze through the crevices.

Like the wind beneath my feet you once were,

That ever so gentle breeze i once knew...

Please be the tornado and destroy.

Completely abolish, tarnish, leave no remains behind.

I will gladly discard of the debris,

Atleast then i will be certain that you finally cease to exist...in my memory

You will be main character no more.

Close your own curtain, curtsey if you may

Let this be my last say.

VUMA D

Untitled

They said actions speak louder than words.

I have heard that actions speak louder than words.

So i had hoped subconsciously, you would know what i wanted,

 by what i did for you, with you, to you.

I was almost certain that we had this non verbal agreement, signed on the dotted line...

That we were for each other and there was no other who could, well, be the other.

 And yet...it seemed they lied, those who said actions speak louder than words.

It seems i was hearing wrong all along.

For if that were really the case, how could you have not heard?

all my desperate screams of wanting to be loved by you.

You couldn’t have ignored my loud declarations of love to you.

My actions were louder than my words and yet...

 i found myself in a situation where i was left feeling stupid for having trusted some saying i had heard and was almost certain it was working in my life.

But there was no verbal agreement, no contract ever signed.

I never told you what i wanted from you, so how can i hold you accountable?

You never did say you loved me nor did you ever promise to be mine.

My ambivalence has birthed my detriment

Your fiction desire of me has been my torment.

Maybe actions do speak louder than words

Or at least only because i say so...

So as you watch me walk slowly away from you,

Trust, that even this time, i hope you read much into this one action.

out of all of those which i had hoped were speaking for me,

let this be the one you listen to. 

Vuma D

I Too Want To Be THAT Good!

After indirectly “studying” Kanye west, (by that i mean constantly listening to his whole body of work, ie. Albums) one thing is certain about this man... It’s that he is good at what he does, love what he does and is unapologetic about both facts. He respects his art, gives nothing less than 100% to produce it and then walks in the confidence that because he says his work is good enough, it is so. He needs no approval from anyone else. He walks in true emancipation.

I want to be THAT good at something. Be confident in that one thing that i know i'm good at... to then walk confidently in the fact.

i mean for so long i have accepted that he is a pompous human being, comes across as rude but then now here i am admiring the man about his work ethic. He simply gives nothing less than his best. I have blindly interpreted his confidence as arrogance but a fine line lies between the two. I do understand that many may still be on the other side of the line...but i have suddenly found myself on the other side of the line, the “confident” side.

Amazing where and when one will find inspiration... *chuckles at herself*

I too want to be THAT good...at something. 

VUMA D

Rose Growing On Concrete

I imagine how it would be

A rose growing on concrete.

Quite a sight! Truly motivational.

The sight alone would leave the mind so perplexed

For how could such a beautiful thing

Emerge from such a hard, lifeless place?

Still bloom and show off its crimson red

The red not associated with wounds but with Life.

I imagine how it would be

 A rose growing on concrete.

To stare and gaze and be bemused by the creation

So small in size but monumental in the notion...

“Anything is possible”.

Then the thought, “am I a rose?”

Introspection, self actualisation.

Then I imagined how I would be

Finally becoming what I have been imagining.

Having made it past the challenges, meandering.

Ducked the bullets of giving up,

Even when shot, saved by the vest of hope.

In imagining how I would be,

Flourishing, nurtured by the rays...

Having turned my lemons into lemonade

The taste alone of the lemonade would be the sweetest.

Overcoming, superseding the bitterness

I need not imagine how I will be

For I am a rose growing on concrete.

Thirsty for more, of life, more life.

At times drained by the mediocrity of equilibrium,

I push through the cement for just a glimpse of the Sun.

I am a rose growing on concrete

With roots stretching, burgeoning.

Forming the firm foundation of my being.

I await the day the petals will open up

Releasing a gush of a perpetual fragrance, Hope.

To finally bloom and show off my crimson red

The red not associated with wounds but with Life.

I am a rose growing on concrete.

VUMA D